Anna we call her AJ tuffy. Anna Jane was my name choice. Simple, pretty and I have always been a fan of pet names for those I love. Also I thought it was cool when a chick had a dudes name. Not sure why but I did. We would call her AJ and that name is perfect. She is the third girl the fourth of the Starcher kids. The number 6 in the Starcher 6, our 6 Squad, the baby who today turned 12 years old. At exactly 12:01 as we drove like maniacs rushing our baby who was turning blue to the hospital complex that just a month ago Rhonda had spent a total of 52ish days visiting Shepherd, AJ’s Grandpa, Rhonda’s dad and my Father n law… I was holding her hand as she struggled to breathe, fighting for life, body shaking, and wheezing I thought this. Sometimes Life is so unfair I give it sometimes because other days, most of them are awesome. But this morning I wasn’t feeling that. I knew my child was in a fight to live. As the protector of my family, the man that would always step between them and danger a fight with out hesitation. Even to the point of over protection, a helicopter dad, but I believe that has always been my purpose, to be a dad. So as I sat in the back seat a helpless feeling clouded my eyes, watching her every breath going through different scenarios in my head. What do I do if she stops breathing. Does she have a fever, it’s her birthday, how can I keep her calm knowing just minutes before as she laid on my bed, pale, lips and fingers starving for blood, those parts of the body that after, I now know are left behind by the heart and brain when a body is fighting for life. It’s her birthday, right then 12:01AM, life is sometimes so unfair.  Let me back up. Asthma attack, I’m not even sure what that is. All I know is several years ago we visited this same hospital a few times to take a little girl who had the same exact symptoms, the feeling was the same I suppose for her dad and mom, our baby who then was really a baby was in trouble. We didn’t hesitate. Back then it was an occurrence that happened a few times a year, usually when she had some other sickness. A cold, or allergies something that encouraged her body to struggle catching a breath. We were always ready. Now AJ is tuff. AJ tuffy comes from being the fourth kid In a family that has been through struggles, not always having the fanciest clothes, or the newest toys, or the nice cars, don’t get me wrong we are “well off” I will discuss that later. This family has at times had to fight, But we survived and in time we have thrived, we always had a “rich” love. This brings me to AJ Tuffy, who had to fight. All of this has led to her NEGU-Never Ever Give Up attitude. To learn to take care of herself, she can do anything. We came home one day and the house that was left a mess was clean. Anna still hard at work, had cleaned it all, candles were lit, floor vacuumed, dishes washed and put away, trash out, all of it. We thanked her and asked her why she said she made her and her older brother breakfast, fried egg, bacon or pancakes something like that. And she made a mess of the kitchen so after delivering the meal to her big brother she started cleaning and my oh my can she handle things. AJ Tuffy has to battle for hers. This leads me back to that car ride…… Where another scenario played out in my brain “squirrel” I say in my head. 

Too many times I say toughen up, just sleep it off, unintentionally that is what I do for the fourth kid, the kid who isn’t always treated like the kid gloved hands of a now 12 year old. The way her siblings were treated at that age, I would have been more worried. I would have noticed this the night before. I would have not said “just go to sleep, I have work tomorrow,”. I would have taken you to the hospital and instead of a dangerous situation it would have been a quick visit and today you would have awoken in your bed, on your bday. Instead of attached to machines a needle in your arm, a breathing mask on, spending the first 9 hours of your bday in someone else’s bed having once again to show why we call you AJ Tuffy. 

But the scenario that I really hoped for was this one, she is tuff, she is a fighter and as her will to breathe to send life giving blood and oxygen is strong. I held her hand and prayed, that this was just another hiccup in life, that this was just bad timing, that in several hours we would be home and eating cake, and I promise the same promise I say right here, on your birthday. you will always be my baby and I will always, even when I’m cranky, always always love you. I can’t think of a better name to have when one is fighting than the name A J Tuffy. Anna Jane Starcher you amaze me and I’m so proud of you. y’all gave me my purpose and each year I am reminded on this day 22 of November i received a gift 12 years ago and for the next forty years or so I will do my best to hold your hand when life seems to be a little unfair to remind you that you were named AJ tuffy for a reason and when you need him, Dad will always hold your hand and will always have your back. Thank you. Dad